sunday

Really haven’t been feeling it over the past few days. I don’t know if it is my haircut or what, but people (as in my friends) seem to have been a bit cold towards me recently. This could of course be paranoia, and I am going to try and stop with the THC for a week or two, but I dunno. I was trying to articulate some of this to Rachel the other night, and said something along the lines of ‘I understand now why some people are short with you for no real reason, because they have ‘seen it all before’ and can’t motivate themselves to get excited (or even interested) about, say, a young person who has just realised the utter overwhelming economic and social corruption of the planet, or someone who has just learned moonlight sonata on the piano. Before I used to just think they were arrogant windbags, but now I find myself feeling like them a litte’ and Rachel gave me this ’I can’t believe you just said that you southern arrogant bastard’ look. The funny thing was that comment was triggered by a random punk in rachels house who seemed (and initially acted) like the type of travelling punk who is exactly that- they have seen and experienced everything and nothing you can do will get you more than a raised eyebrow and quiet, almost tryingtobepolite acknowledgement., And then last night sam was going to come over so we could go and take part in Rachel;’s archaeology dig in her back garden and one thing led to another and we were 2 hours late and when we got there everyone was just like ‘oh, you’re here….so how you anyway sam?’. And all this time I am trying to balance the small amount of time I have off work between my clarinet and my friends, with people like suann and roger losing out cos I just don’t have any time. So all in all am feeling pretty shit. I slept a long time last night/this morning, and feel a little better now, and to be fair alcohol and weed together do always make me a bit stressed out and paranoid, but it feels more ingrained at the moment. I shouldn’t be surprised I guess, loads of my friends have stopped smoking for exactly the reasons I am describing. Maybe my body and brain could just hack it for longer. Fucking hell.

I am off to London tomorrow to get my visa, and am going to meet up with feder, bari, henry and jess with a couple of her Lebanese mates which should be nice. Will be my last trip to London before america.