Lobsters in lobster pot: 0
I have always liked the title of that Mum song (the band, not my mum), and finally I can use it in a blog. Except that yesterday was only dramatic in my own head, and (I assume) the rest of the world continues to destroy itself today as much as yesterday.
We have moved islands since I last wrote, and are now anchored in the bay of a village called Hane on an island called Ua Huka, population (of the whole island) 500. Mountain goat population: 3000. Wild horse population: unknown. Getting here involved our first overnight crossing, taking 2 hour shifts on the wheel. A fickle wind and the fact that two of us had never steered a ship before (I don't think Henry's canal boat in Dorset counts) provided challenge enough, but on top of that half way through the night the wind dropped completely, and when tom, the captain, went to turn the engine on, we discovered that the accelerator handle was broken. I am not sure if I was the one that broke it, but as I have been breaking things left, right and centre here (including, as regular readers will know, cracking a kayak) I knew there was a decent chance. The next morning, as I watched tom struggle to do the repairs, I felt like a complete loser. This, compounded by a lack of solitude after exactly a month on the boat and a fresh outbreak of my pus-laden infection, put me in a rather pathetic mood. So I put my last clean pair of socks on over my bandages and went for a big walk.
The scenery was stunning – scottish highlands meets jurassic park. Wild horses roamed about. I stopped at an arboretum where the island policeman, married to the lady at the arboretum, showed me round and gave me as many mangoes, starfruit and grapefruit as I could fit in my bag. Definitely the first and probably the last time that will ever happen. I stopped and ate my ham and mayonaise sandwich at the foot of a huge cross, high on a cliff overlooking the sea. And all the time I was struggling to appreciate the beauty of the situation I was in: I was aware of how amazing everything was, I just couldn't pull myself out of the funk, and the fundamental question in one of the books I am reading boiled to the surface of my mind (sacred path of the warrior): how much have you connected with yourself at all in your whole life?”.
And another quote from someone I can't remember who said 'when you have nothing you come to know who you really are' or something along those lines. And I always thought that meant 'when you are penniless and your wife and all your friends have left you because you are an alcoholic' but actually I think it can also mean 'when all the things you define yourself by (e.g. job, band, friends, routine, collective memories) are no longer there to reinforce the person you assume you are'. But this line of thinking has a flip side – it means you can realign yourself and think about what sort of person you actually want to be and steer in that direction, without all the assumptions (and habitual behaviours) that come from the things and people around you.
And thinking about why I ALWAYS lose stuff and break stuff (as anyone who has spent anytime around me will know). And why I often cook too much food, eat it all really fast, and then am a bit sleepy (or like now, when I am eating a big block of chocolate without really tasting it because I am concentrating on this blog). And why I find meditation very hard to do. And especially at that moment because I was walking through this monumentally beautiful and unique landscape and brain-constipating myself on all these questions.
I realised that I AM VERY RARELY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. I am always in the past or future or wondering about this or that that has got nothing to do with the information coming from my senses. Does this sound like a big revelation to you? To me, at that time, it was pretty big. And I think of people that do seem more in the moment, and I realise it is those people that I really respect and admire, and I think of people who are anxious or carry big burdens around with them and realise that they too seem to rarely be in the present moment.
So currently goal number 1 is: be in the present moment. Practice: Good posture. Eating slowly. Really listening to what people are saying and the meaning of it. Lingering longer with my eyes ears and nose aware of my surroundings (easy here as everything is as if moulded for an elaborate eco-fantasy film). Russell brand says in his book 'revolution'* that the strongest common element in all religions/self help books/spritual systems is an urging to be in the present moment.
I'll let you know how it goes.
* Russell Brand has always struck me as a total knob, and I thought his move into anti-capitalism, pro-systemic social change would be brief and gauche, but actually listening to him read his audiobook (I am about half way through), I have to say that my views are extremely similar to his, and he discusses the ideas of interesting and diverse people, from david graeber to rumi. And it is, in part, very funny. He should probably relieve himself of the vast majority of his money to really be able to speak with any credibility, but perhaps my automatic distaste for him was another example of me not living in the present moment and making assumptions... some of his ideas include cancelling all personal debt, banning titles (e.g. sir, the honerable etc), and banning personal security. All of which are themselves quite revolutionary I think.
Location:Ua Huka
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